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Parenting with Integrity:
Teaching Integrity-Centered Leadership to Children
by Modeling Integrity-Centered Behaviors

Harry V. McKay, Jr. and James F. Bracher

Saint Andrew's School
Parents' Association - STAR speaker series
13601 Saratoga Avenue
Saratoga, California 95070-5055

James F. Bracher: "Parenting with Integrity: Teaching Integrity-Centered Leadership to Children"
Monday, Oct. 24, 2005, 8:30 a.m.
Saratoga Community Center
Arts and Crafts Room
13777 Fruitvale Avenue

Jim comes to Saint Andrew's to discuss with parents ways to introduce and apply integrity-centered leadership. His process engages the entire family and is based on the Eight Attributes© of an integrity-centered organization (Character, Honesty, Openness, Authority, Partnership, Performance, Charity, and Graciousness). Parents will learn how to demonstrate to others, including children, the importance of integrity at home, at school, and in life. Jim asks those attending to ask questions and join the discussion.

Eight Attributes of an Integrity-Centered Organization
by James F. Bracher October 24, 2005

1. CHARACTER: consistency between word and deed.
Do my parents exhibit congruence between what they say and what they do, as well as what they say about what they did? Do they exhibit the right behavior?

  • Respect yourself and others
  • Be an example of courage (fair, firm, consistent and kind)
  • Care about other people around you
  • What people do when no one is watching

2. HONESTY: truthful communication.
Do you have confidence that your parents would never engage in or sanction misrepresentation?

  • Listen openly
  • Be honest and tell the truth
  • Respond with care

3. OPENNESS: operational transparency.
Do I, as a child in my family, understand what is important to my parents? Do I know what makes them happy and sad? Am I comfortable asking my parents what they love and fear?

  • Know and understand the rules
  • Help others to make use of all that our family has to offer

4. AUTHORITY: family member encouragement.
Are you able to correct mistakes? When I say or do something that is wrong, can I make it right? Do you have confidence that your actions will be supported?

  • Use common sense to do the right thing
  • Know that you have the right to do something, to take action
  • Explain when actions have been taken that might not fit with our family's rules
  • Listen, think and learn from what has been done right, and what has been done wrong

5. PARTNERSHIP: honor obligations.
Do your parents pride themselves on the timely fulfillment of all commitments?

  • Be on time, every time
  • Be prepared: Think, Plan, Do --- in that order
  • Look for ways to help one another --- and then pitch in!
  • Leave things better than you find them
  • Be a good citizen

6. PERFORMANCE: accountability throughout the organization.
When members of the family fall short of promises, is compassion shown? Is supportive guidance offered? Is everyone clear on the consequences when rules are broken and promises are unfulfilled? Are penalties handed out fairly?

  • Live up to promises
  • Understand and follow the rules
  • Respect others: their rights, their property, their feelings
  • Own-up to your own actions --- what has been done right, and what has been done wrong

The ( ) Family Member Pledge

I will treat family and friends with courtesy and respect at all times.

I will be accountable for my own actions.

I will do my part to take good care of my family, our home and our reputation.

I will be considerate of those around me.

I will obey the rules.

As a ( ) family member,

I will do my best to be a responsible child or adult at all times.

Signed and displayed prominently - by all stakeholders

7. CHARITY: generous community stewardship.
Does your family reach out to those in need?

  • Give to others with no strings attached --- don't expect to get anything back
  • Make sure the right tools, materials and help are available in and through our family
  • Demonstrate the story of how members of our family support one another, and others less fortunate

8. GRACIOUSNESS: respect and discipline.
Does your family demonstrate care and concern for all members of the family?

  • Be kind - not cruel or sarcastic
  • Be thoughtful - not judging (listen and learn about others)
  • Be patient - not rude (allow others to finish their thoughts)
  • Be helpful - not harmful
  • Remember that we are more alike than different
    • Understand
    • Appreciate
    • Accept differences
    • Work with others

As we think...

One evening a wise grandmother told her grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

"Dear child," she said, "the battle is between two ‘wolves' inside us all. One is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego."

"The other is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandmother: "Which wolf wins?"

The grandmother replied, "The one you feed."

Personal application: